New meanings to this word echo in my mind....rattle about in my heart....and the noise of it is deafening to my soul....ah, but the ache is not so bad now as the hours have lengthened into days...no...now....it is more of a gray space....where feelings have been transformed into crystal images forbidden to escape their glass cages...
And I wander there occasionally ...my fingers tracing their outlines in memory of the passion trapped beneath....and the mind repeats its command to the heart and the heart listens in agony...taking tortured breaths...asking for relief......and
you must sit quietly and do not make a fuss...
Nothing....just
silence in the face of your protestations....
and more silence thereafter....
So, where is this place that we've come to, asks the heart...
and the mind says ...
I shall not tell you until you are allowed to leave...only
then will you understand and only then will you know why I did not tell you....for the
pain would have been too much to bear....
What is this other feeling that
seems to have its own chair to sit upon in this room? asks the soul of the mind....
The mind responds....ahhhh, that is fear....interesting that it cannot sit still, is it
not? See how it pushes its chair about the room...can you feel the difference in its
strength as it does so?
Why can't we see a window or a door? asks
the heart and the soul.....
Because, answered the mind, this is a test of your faith....you are blind to its existence and you must learn to trust yourself before they appear.....
I just know I don't like this fear sitting
here with us....it makes me nervous,
says the heart.
Don't be afraid, says the
soul, I will hold
you close and keep the fear away from you...
maybe together we can make it go away...
or maybe just make it sit still...
I just wish we could hear something,
says the heart....this
silence is
beginning to cause a very sharp ache
right in my center....
Talk to me, answers the soul.....we'll keep each other company and then perhaps it won't hurt so bad.....
Listen to me, says the mind... I brought you here so that you would be safe...you've no idea what is just outside trying very hard to destroy you both...what you are feeling is just a small part of what you could be feeling, but this place is warding off the effects of all the others....
What others? asks
the soul....there are more like the
fear that is here?
Oh yes, says
the mind....fear slipped in before I could
barricade the door....so we're stuck with it for the duration.....
Tell me what others, demands the soul....
Well, there is doubt and jealousy and anger...those are far worse in combination then just the fear....trust me I know...I've met them all and they are very strong foes....just be grateful that the soul brought a few friends along...
Are they here? asks the heart.....what are their names...
There is love and I've already mentioned trust and faith...they are all here too...to help you with this space you are in...
How long to we have to be here...? asks the heart and the soul...
I cannot tell you that.....for you would not bear this now if you knew....just remember what I've said and soon you will see the door and the window and when you do...we will all leave this place....
Where will we go and what will we find there?
Either joy or despair....they are both waiting for us.....
Oh, I don't think I like this at all, says the heart......
That's just the fear in the room talking to
you, says the soul...don't listen to it...
don't listen...
Please, I want to leave....I want
to go.....
says the heart....
And the mind says, no.....
The Room Called Lonliness, ©1998 ASE